You're sitting at Starbucks with your laptop, looking like a scholar, and I'm like, “Hey Scholar! Want to do something for one hundred dollars?”
You take out your ear-buds, and you're all Patrick Swayze, like, “Do I know you? Slow down, there, you're scaring everybody.”
I tell you, "I recruit talented writers for DoctorMyDocument.com. It's a website where college students can order academic papers."
You don't say anything, so I just come right out with it: "Will you read some articles if I pay you a hundred dollars?”
You think for a moment, and you ask, “Hey, have you been sniffing lines of crushed up adderall? There's pink powdery shit all under your nose.”
I keep talking about typing notes: “Just type a few sentences about what each author is saying, and give your opinion. You can cite each article in APA style.”
And you're all like, “Yeah, that's okay. It sounds like your paying me just for being able to read.”
“That's right, home slice!” I say, accidentally loud with my voice, so the place gets quiet. I whisper, “I'm paying you to have a brain and be a complicated mammal. I got no use for vegetables. Get out of here, broccoli. I'm not talking to you.”
You start stressing out, making me nervous, telling me, “Dude, you're crushing pills on a mirror, sitting at a table inside Starbucks. You haven't even ordered a coffee, they're going to kick you out of here.”
"It's alright, I have ADHD. I have a prescription. Can I have your email address? I'll pay you with PayPal.”
You start to think I'm really serious, and you ask, “Why would anyone pay me to read articles and type about them?”
"People need degrees, home slice! The education industry is a big business. Academic writing is kept complicated on purpose, to make degrees seem prestigious. Everyone is busy in the Digital Age, they can't work nine hours and then write papers for the rest of the night. They email the information to us, and we write great papers to help them achieve their goals.”
You ask, “Is that even legal?”
“Yes, it's legal! And it's a lot more ethical than the ruthless, immoral businesses out there, like the big banks predatory lending, and televangelists tricking old ladies out of their savings, and big tobacco profiting off chemicals that kill, keeping people addicted -”
And you're like, “No, I mean is it even legal to chop up lines of adderall on a mirror inside a Starbucks!”
“Yeah, I told you I have a prescription. The world is more competitive than ever for professional people. So they need their degrees to advance in their careers. A lot of professional people are enrolled in online classes. But their careers require them to do extra work before they even go to work, and then after work they get back home and do more work. Some of them work two jobs. And they have families. They need our help.”
And you say, “Alright, sounds like writing papers for college students is awesome. So degree candidates can just go to the website and order academic papers?”
“Yes! College students can hire academic writers by emailing Help@DoctorMyDocument.com
