How to win an argument with a loved one

There is a trick to winning an argument against a loved one: Realize that the person with whom you seem to be arguing is not your real opponent.  Your real opponent is a Relationship Demon, an invisible entity that tricks you and your loved ones into destroying one another.

How can you dispel the illusion? Look deeply into the argument that is taking place and see whether you are actually in disagreement about a particular issue.  If two intelligent people have different opinions about a particular issue, they should be able to use good communication to weigh the advantages of each option and decide on a course of action. Just be logical, and if you really can't decide then just give in, because you love this person so what the hell.  And if it is so important that you cannot give in, then you will have to make a subtle manipulation.  But there is never any reason to keep hurting each other with argument.

Usually, what happens is not even that complicated.  Most arguments involve two people who think they are disagreeing when they actually are not.  Two people comment on a particular topic, and then the Relationship Demon tricks them into thinking the two things they said are mutually exclusive when they actually are not.  It's like this:

We go to the park, and I say, "The birds are singing."
You say, "Um, actually, the grass is green."

And neither of us got any validation for what we have said, so we just devolve into total idiots as the demon's spell takes effect:

I say, "What do you mean the birds are not singing?"
And you say, "I don't know where you are getting your information, but what I said is definitely true."
And I say, "Oh my god I can't believe you are so stupid," because I can actually still hear the birds singing, so it is ridiculous for us to even be arguing about this.
Relationship demons are very tricky.  When they are in the room with you and your significant other, you might agree 80% about something and disagree 20%, but the demon makes it so that you can only be aware of the part that is disagreement.

Here is a trick for winning an argument with a loved one. First, explain to her or him about the relationship demon and how it is playing a trick on you both. Then, use the following three steps:
  1. Try to identify, as many times as possible, the parts of her argument that you can accept and validate. 
  2. If you get the opportunity, the greatest thing you can do is admit you were wrong about some aspect of the argument.  Do that, and you gain a kind of invincibility against the demon.
  3. Try to express in a sentence what you seem to be disagreeing about, and invite your loved one to correct the sentence if it seems wrong.  
After you agree on a sentence that expresses the disagreement, be logical together until the demon is dead. You'll know it is dead when you feel warmth toward one another instead of negative emotions.

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