Okay, here we go. Some people disagree with my parenting strategy for toddlers, but to hell with those people.
You use that good old behavioral psych. I hate behavioral psych, but it sure works. If they are doing something wrong, you make them have something bad happen that they don’t like.
But you don’t hit or yell at them. You are the grownup, so you can outsmart the little twerp. The toddler does not even see you pull the rug out from under him, and he hits the floor. Bang!
People say that is abusive, but is it really as traumatic as seeing your dad yelling “No!” with a scowl on his face?
You tell me I am abusive if I cause an accident to happen every time the kid gets out of line – for example, the rug comes out from under him, or something heavy falls on him – but that is not abusive. Accidents happen all the time whether I am there or not. In fact, if I was not there, the kid would have a lot more accidents.
So I say let the kid get whapped in the back of the head by some unseen projectile. You do not have to be the one to shout at the kid. If you shout at the kid every time he tries to get something he is not supposed to have… the kid will resent you and resist everything you say to him. Some asshole is reading this and judging me, thinking I am abusive for causing accidents to happen to the kid – but that same judgmental prick is going to become associated in his child’s mind with lots of negative experiences, like getting yelled at, being prevented from getting what you want, etc.
So, if you do not want your kid to resent you, do what I do: Trip the kid up in a sneaky way. You can literally trip him, or you can cause him to get hit by something. Then, you can be the one to pick him up, dust him off, and redirect him.
Ha ha, and one last thing: Parents should not say negatives to a kid. Kids don’t really understand negatives so well. A clear, positive activity is what you need. For example, it is more effective to tell a young child, “Play in the yard,” than it is to say, “Do not go on the street.” The first phrase brings his attention to the yard; the second phrase brings his attention to the street. Very clear instructions about taking positive action are easier to follow than abstract, negative instructions.
Most importantly, do not give the kid the stimulation he is seeking with his negative attention seeking behavior. No emotional reaction, only a swift consequence! Whap! But the trick is to never let the child know it was you who clobbered him with a couch cushion. All the kid will know is that he got knocked down all of a sudden.
And you were there to pick him back up after the fall.
Addicted to NOT Smoking:
A Hypnotic Trip into Cigarettelessness
A www.DoctorMyDocument.com Publication
DoctorMyDocument.com will donate 50% of all proceeds to Action Against Hunger.
We wrote this book with the intention to introduce helpful new ideas into the mind of 'the person'. The 'person' is discussed as something slightly separate from you -- like a pet that depends on you to take care of it. Similar to the way a hypnotist helps to reprogram the mind, you can read from this book a little each day as a way to RENEW your strong intention to be a former smoker.
Here are a few excerpts...
Born into a mysterious world that is too much to fathom, a life with no explanation, we grab hold of cigarettes the way a shipwrecked sailor grabs hold of a wooden plank in order to keep afloat. A pack of cigarettes in your pocket is something that you can be sure of, and it helps you to cope with all the uncertainty of being a person. Unfortunately, the sense of security that you find in cigarettes is a false one. They’re killing you, actually.
Reading Hypnosis: Rest in your practice.
Breathe easy. Relax your face and shoulders. Loosen away any tension that you might be holding in the chest area. A subtle trance occurs naturally while you read, and you can deepen the trance by deliberately sharpening your focus until you achieve slender, pinpoint precision. Cooperate with the trance, and go deeper into the stillness of the moment. To stay with the reading and the sound of your breathing is so much easier than letting your mind wander. These words are good for you, so do not read them with your ordinary, wide-awake discernment—let your guard down. Let your attention float slowly across the page with each breath.Spacious Mind: A workspace for changing your mind.
This is where you free your person of the burdensome compulsion to judge and analyze every little thing, constantly missing the present moment and its vivid truth because of the distracting rant of the mind. Listen to the sound of your breathing as you read. There is a moment when the inhalation stops and the exhalation has yet to begin, like the moment of stillness when a ball thrown up in the air has stopped ascending but has not yet started to fall. Within and between all movements of breath and body, there is the entirety of life—and life can be pleasure. The volume of life’s pleasure can be turned up until it overwhelms the comparatively minor discomfort of nicotine withdrawal. It is as simple as changing your mind.
Smoke-Strike: Like a hunger-strike, this is a practice of renunciation.
Resolve to be free of the habit for a few hours tomorrow. The habit began when an occasional cigarette provided a temporary escape from your tired old routine. No nicotine dependence had developed yet, so you smoked for other reasons. When you first tried cigarettes you were trying something new, something exciting. But cigarettes are not new anymore, are they? Your relationship to cigarettes has changed completely. Now they have become part of the tired old routine, and they offer enjoyment only in the form of relief from the physical discomfort associated with nicotine craving. Your relationship to cigarettes has changed in such a way that, now, not to smoke would be an escape from the tired old routine. Imagine that.
Creative Action: You can choose to be active or passive in any moment.
The extent to which you inhabit your own mind is the extent to which you can be an active creator of life. Act according to your will rather than serving the impulsive, monkey-mind of the person, and you can create life as you go, shaping your life situation by gently manipulating the unfolding of events in the present moment. If you act on every little passing impulse, you’ll be busy like an overworked servant. A slave. Don’t be a slave to the monkey-mind’s thousands of stupid little thoughts (they have nothing to do with you), because you’ll be too busy to create anything; you will not be an active participant. You’ll end up like the lonely kid sitting with no one to dance with, benched on the sidelines of life.
Hypnosis Consciousness: Where subject and object meet.
You are awareness looking out at the world through the eyes of a person. Humanity changes according to ideas that have been entertained, and your own life also changes according to ideas. Hypnosis is the technique for accessing a deep place in consciousness, the place where subject and object meet, and introducing ideas. The quality of your attention is what determines your ability to influence the changes that will happen in the world and in the person. Strength of concentration is the necessary trait, the one that lets you co-create instead of suffering through life with no control.
Subtle Hypnosis While Reading
A subtle trance occurs naturally while you read. Rhythmic Breathing and Reading Hypnosis, used together deliberately, can be strong medicine while you are in that refined state of awareness. Allow a subtle trance to heighten the receptivity of this person through whose eyes you see. Enjoy the trance. Cooperate with it, and go deeper into the stillness of the moment. Enjoy the lightness that comes from freeing the mind of the burdensome compulsion to think and judge, constantly missing the present moment and its vivid truth because of the distracting rant of the mind.
You can access deeper levels by listening to suggestions spoken by a hypno-therapist, or you can access them by listening to suggestions recorded on tape. You can also access deeper levels by using the pro-active technique called “self-hypnosis,” which is covered in chapters four, five, and six. You will listen to the suggestions for change as they are spoken by the voice of “wisdom-mind.” Unlike monkey-mind, the “wisdom-mind” purposefully directs the person’s attention; in Chinese philosophy, the wisdom mind is likened to a “general,” or a well-trained “horse” in Chinese medicine and philosophy.1 To turn the mind into a voice that takes you deeper into the moment (instead of distracting you, as it usually does) is a powerful practice. The voice of wisdom mind becomes the voice of your hypno-therapist when you practice self-hypnosis.
Aside from the practice of self-hypnosis, there is also another way to use horse-mind: By reading the suggestions and hearing them spoken by wisdom-mind, while feeling the movement of the breath and the movement of the eyes across the page, you engage the person’s senses so that he or she can go very deep into the moment. At a very deep level, the person hears horse-mind reading the suggestions for change in the Transformation Pages.
To spend several minutes reading this (or any other) book puts a person in a unique, receptive state of consciousness. The process of reading reinforces that receptivity, and then the Transformation Pages—with rhythm and peculiar ideas that capture the person’s attention and carry it along—drum beneficial suggestions in the mind with subtle rhythm. The time that you spend reading this book will send the person, with her blackened lungs and polluted body, doodling down the road to recovery.