The science of persuasion: Being positive

"Being positive" is a theme that has multiple meanings in the practice of persuasion.  In this discussion, it can refer to 1.) sharing energy in a way that makes us uplifting to others, 2.) positively influencing someone's state of mind, 3.) being like a mirror, and 4.) phrasing sentences in positive ways rather than using negations like "no" and "not." If you want to improve your skill, meditate on this concept of being positive.

Being uplifting:
People resist everything that brings their spirits down, so it's usually best to avoid talking to people in a way that makes them feel embarrassed or ashamed.

If you want to shame someone, go ahead and do it, but don't let that voice in your head, monkey-mind, convince you that you are persuading them by shaming them.  We often think shame motivates, but we're wrong. The creature called "person" can be motivated: give it an opportunity to feel good.  Freud explained this truth and he called it the pleasure principle.  People are driven toward what feels good. If you are making someone feel bad, you are probably not going to motivate them.

Being a positive influence on someone's state of mind: 
Sometimes you can talk in a way that makes people feel amazing when they are around you.  You know how to send powerful, positive messages to the subconscious mind.  It is possible to use words that influence the subconscious mind.

And they might feel a subtle trance come over them when they see your stillness, your deep state of mind. Even doing something simple like looking at on a clock in the kitchen, someone might suddenly feel herself being thrown into a subtle trance.  A person in a trance can see many colors, even behind closed eyelids the mind continues to see the colors, and all the information they are receiving sends them deeper into the stillness of the trance. As you read these lines, you can see many colors, and the information you are receiving sends you deeper into the stillness of the moment.  If you have stillness in this moment, you can have stillness in any moment, and you can share it with others.  If you want to see demonstrations of this technique, search Google Video for these words: mindfulness practice

Being like a mirror:
When you speak with someone, validate them subtly by matching your movements to theirs, even matching the timing of your breathing. Make it so that they see movement happening in perfect timing with their movements as they shift side to side or gesture with their arms. They will not consciously notice (unless you are being stupidly obvious about it), but they will feel themselves entering a meditative state of mind.

When you dance with someone, it feels good because all your movements correspond and validate one another.  You make each other feel okay, and you entrance one another.  Well in a subtle way, you can dance with total strangers when you match their movements as described above.  Can you speak to someone standing several feet away but still get a feeling like you are dancing with them? If you can do that, you can be like a mirror and help people into a trance when you talk with them. If you want to see demonstrations of this technique, search Google Video for these words: matching and mirroring

Being positive in sentence structure:
Be positive in another way, too: Phrase sentences in a positive way, because the subconscious mind does not really respond so much to negations, i.e. phrases that include words like "not" and "no". For example, this sentence is bad to say to a kid:

Do not go in the street.

All the subconscious mind hears is "go in the street."  Maybe the kid was not even thinking of going in the street, but now you put the idea in his head.  When you put an idea in someone's head they are going to be influenced by it.  This sentence is better:

You can play here in the yard. 

This sentence brings the kid's attention to the yard, and that is what the parent really wants.  The difference is enormous between these two ways of expressing the same idea.